Counting the Minutes

It has become a habit of mine to count how much time I spend when doing something. Even taking a nap, I set the range of time from 12 minutes to 3 hours. I don’t exactly know how or when I started counting time but there are times when I think I might go crazy because of it. I even set what time I start to do things, how many minutes it took for me to finish and even having my own countdown where I set what time I plan to finish doing something and count how many minutes or hours while I’m doing it. I also  always drive in a rush thinking that I will get to uni late but when I get there I’m 2 hours early. People usually set an hour before classes to be on their way and I would set up to 2-3 hours before classes and I already start driving. Even though I have a lot of time, I would fuckin’ speed (in a safe range) my way through the ride.

I am on semester break now and I’m planning to take Japanese next semester so I planned on brushing up my Japanese skills. I’m on my second day of break and I am panicking that I might not have time to finish studying Japanese when I have 3 months+ left of break. I started thinking that if I don’t finish studying Japanese, I might not know shit when I start class and going overboard as to think that I might fail the class. I have never been so time-controlling before and it is slowly driving me mad.

My mind keeps telling me to rush whatever I do so that I will finish everything quickly or I get to a destination in time. I always tell myself to always finish my work early and finish everything so that I won’t have a hard time later and always be at a place on time so that I won’t make a bad impression to people or not give people a hard time whenever my friends are carpooling. Because of that habit I tend to give myself unnecessary pressure and eventually lead to stress. I have said that I work best under pressure but now I am constantly feeling pressured for no reason.

I don’t know how to stop or constraint myself from doing this and I hope this won’t affect me in my studies or life. I’m trying to calm myself down and assume that I have a lot of free and I should enjoy it while it lasts. Great, now I feel pressured for not enjoying my limited time. 


My Top 5 All Time Favourite Seiyuu/Anime Voice Actors

When watching anime, one must always stop and listen to the character’s voice and figure out whether they know the owner of the said voice before googling them. Anime will not be sufficient without the voice actors or as they call it “seiyuu”(声優).  I have watched anime ever since I was in primary school and even though I am reaching adulthood, anime will always have a special place in my heart. I have fangirled for years and have no plans to stop. These top 5 seiyuus are all male (I prefer shounen over shoujo) and whenever they are casted in an anime, I will always  recognise their voices immediately. They will be ranked from 5 to 1 which actually has no meaning since I love them all equally and have so much admiration for them. Imagine adoring someone just through their voice? Hah! Let’s start with : 

5. 宮野真守 (Miyano Mamoru)


If you’re an avid anime fan, just by hearing his voice or seeing his name, you already know this charming guy. His seiyuu friends and fans call him Mamo and his well-known roles include Yagami Light (Death Note), Fushimi Saruhiko (K series), Tsukiyama Shuu (Tokyo Ghoul series), Ichinose Tokiya (Uta no☆Prince-sama♪ Maji Love series) and one of my favourites are Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs) and Matsuoka Rin (Free! series). Mamo can embody any character given to him with ease from a clumsy, cheerful guy to a disturbed and quiet character. He not only can act out multiple impressions but can also sing. He has this presence that whenever he’s on stage for an event or a concert, he shines and everyone acknowledges his presence. He is definitely a man of many talents. He is such a delightful and funny person in real life too. What I would do to meet him.


4. 鈴木達央 (Suzuki Tatsuhisa)


Don’t let me start with this guy. (He is the man of my dreams) I first known him from the Kuroko no Basket series as Takao Kazunari (one of my favourites). His laughter is so contagious whenever Takao laughs I love it so much. The thing about Tatsu is his voice is originally so soothing to me. You know, like, comforting. A character he played named Tachibana Makoto (Free! series) is so cute and got every fangirl in the world kyaa-ing. He plays a character who is kind and considerate but is also adorably a scaredy cat and a worrywart ugh I can’t handle . And I loved his role as Tsubaki in Servamp. His sinister laugh and the coolness of his voice is just amazing. Watch Servamp and you’ll know what I mean. His roles in animes are Yoshida Haru (Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun), Kurosaki Ranmaru (Uta no☆Prince-sama♪ Maji Love series), Mukami Yuuma (Diabolik Lovers) to name a few. He is also the frontman of the band オルドコデックス (OLDCODEX) and has provided OPs and EDs (soundtracks) for some animes including the Free! series, God Eater, Kuroko no Basket series, Servamp and much more. He’s also charming in real life and I love it when he’s close to his seiyuu friends and calls them by their given names it’s so cute.


3. 内山昂輝 (Uchiyama Kouki)


(credits to the owner of the photo)

Despite rarely smiling in photos, he’s a really funny guy in person. Just by watching seiyuu events with him joking around with his fellow seiyuu friends and probably the only one with the sense of humility (in Haikyuu Matsuri event he refused to dance on stage when everyone else did haha but when he did the “yay!” cheer he got so embarrassed he immediately sat down during the introduction part hahaha) . Also during Haikyuu!! Winter Training Camp event where fellow seiyuu co-star or the mother of the group, Irino Miyu told him to act like an adult haha I love the childish yet shy side of him. His role as Asaba Yuuta in Kimi to Boku series attracted me to him as he had this cool demeanor about him. Probably most of the character he plays is snarky, quick-witted and cool like Tsukishima Kei in Haikyuu!! (mine, all mine) and Yuri Plisetsky in YURI!! On ICE. I can listen to his voice all day and still love him more. Some of his roles include Naoe Tsuyoshi (Nijiiro Days), Ichijou Raku (Nisekoi), Evans (Soul Eater), Shigaraki Tomura (Boku no Hero Academia) and Harada Takumi (Battery). 


2. 諏訪部順一 (Suwabe Junichi)


Let me tell you about this man. He has one of the SEXIEST voices in anime history and I know a lot of anime fans would agree because his voice has no age limit. He voiced a 27 year old russian figure skater named Victor Nikiforov (YURI!! On ICE) who is seductive yet playful (whenever he smiles, his mouth is shaped like a heart dear lord save me) and also a 16 year old airhead and self-loving basketball player named Aomine Daiki (Kuroko no Basket  series) and oh my goodness I love how much of a delinquent yet badass he sounds. He has been in so many animes because really, who can refuse such a heavenly voice?  Not only that, he also sings. My god. What a combo! Some of his works include Jae-ha (Akatsuki no Yona), Archer (Fate/stay night), Undertaker(Kuroshitsuji series),  Atobe Keigo (Prince of Tennis series), Ootori Itsuki (Starmyu) (I love him) and Jinguuji Ren (Uta no☆Prince-sama♪ Maji Love). We should be thankful for his existence because without him, anime wouldn’t be enjoyable (to me). 


1. 細谷佳正 (Hosoya Yoshimasa)


Hosoya-san’s voice is just mesmerising. It’s deep but is reassuring. He can be the goofball ace of the volleyball team like Azumane Asahi in Haikyuu!! and even the cool as hell yet  intimidating backstroke swimmer named Yamazaki Sousuke (Free! series). If you watch the seiyuu events he was in, you’d love his personality. He’s shy yet outspoken, funny but doesn’t get the joke sometimes. Hosoya-san can also be awkward at times and whenever he starts to get nervous he’d talk really fast and even forgets what he wants to say. But, he said he always tries his best. He’s also playful like whenever he meets with Miyano Mamoru (they have worked together in several animes) and I love his raspy laugh. He speaks his mind and that’s what makes him funny and a really chill dude. In Kurobas Cup 2013, his Tanabata wish was to be better at talk corners which is so adorable. A few roles that I personally love are Nezumi (No.6), Hyuuga Junpei (Kuroko no Basket series), Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Sekizan Takuya (All Out!!), Ohta (Tanaka-kun wa Itsumo Kedaruge) and Reiner Braun (Shingeki no Kyojin series). I also love it when he screams in any anime he’s in. He must feel really embarrassed screaming in a booth aww. For a small man, his voice is manly and that’s what I love about him.

That is my top 5 all time favourite anime seiyuus! I love doing top 5 lists and let me know if you want me to do more. Like I said, the ranking doesn’t mean anything; I love them all equally and fangirl about them on a daily basis. Hope you enjoyed my list and share yours if you have any!

2 Known Fears

Growing up with a family majorly consisting of males influences you in terms of attitude and perspective. You make yourself think that you’re as strong as them mentally and physically and eventually thinking that nothing in the world scares you. Another thing that made me think I was strong as hell is when dad told me a story about when mom was pregnant with yours truly, dad got into an accident and the car they were driving split in half. The three of us survived. Back then I thought, I must be a damn awesome baby of steel or shit.

Throughout the period of growing up, I have experienced some events that might have triggered the surfacing of the fears I never knew I had.  Or could  even have. I keep telling myself that how can I have fears? For years I convinced myself that I would never cower over anything or anyone. Well, I got scared shitless.

A few years ago, I had a nightmare. It was the kind of nightmare that scars you for life and wake up checking if you’re still alive. I am the kind of person that remembers my dreams or nightmares and it was a normal dream at first. I was in some sort of spaceship, talking with my friend. During our conversation, I felt a small solid in my mouth. I played with it with my tongue and it was hard as rock. And just like every other normal person, I went somewhere to spit it out. When I did so, I heard something drop on the floor. It was a tooth. I started wondering what did I eat to make my tooth fall off like that. I felt the same thing a few seconds later; a small, hard solid in my mouth. I spit out again and it was also a tooth. After the third tooth, my mouth started to get full. I spit it all out and almost all my teeth fall out of my mouth. I felt inside my mouth and all I could feel was my gums, with holes and could feel the blood coming out of them. I could only feel one tooth left. Before the last tooth fell, my nightmare stopped. I didn’t wake up with a start. I just opened my eyes and saw the familiarity of my dark room. My heartbeat was fast against my chest and I started to hyperventilate. I panicked in silence, afraid of waking the whole house. I opened my mouth and checked my teeth. All of them were there. I sighed in relief. It took me a while to go back to sleep with my still-fast heartbeats and slow breathing.  For 21 years of living, I only went to the dentist once to have my tooth taken out when I was in primary school.  Every time my tooth starts feeling lose, I would pull it out myself. I feel more reassured knowing only I can touch my teeth.  And that’s how I had developed the fear of losing my teeth.

There wa also a time when I went out with a good friend. We watched a movie and just generally had a great time after not seeing each other for a year. I drove her home and asked which route should I take to avoid traffic. She told me to take the route under the bridge so that’s where I went. I used the route and drove all the way. The place that I was so familiar with became foreign the deeper I drove into some area. The roads became narrow, more houses start to appear and people I’ve never seen before. Little did I know, I drove until I met a dead end. I flipped out. I started to panic in my car. I didn’t know where I was, I’ve read the signs and I’ve never heard of the place.  I started to get nervous. I had to stop somewhere god knows where and cooled down. I thought to myself, what if I can’t find my way back? What if I get lost here forever? What will my family think if they found out that I got lost?! After moments of getting my shit together, I retraced my route. I mainly relied on familiar buildings and roads and finally after almost an hour of driving around, I went with instinct and used the route where I saw my brother’s school from a distance. I was so relieved that I followed my instinct. I could’ve been lost somewhere deeper into some random town I’ve never heard of. When I reached home, I didn’t tell anyone that I got lost. I just wanted the day to be over. I didn’t want to feel the feeling of not knowing where I was. I didn’t like that feeling at all. That’s where the fear of being lost was born. 

I consider myself a strong person going through those fears but I am still terrified of being in any of those situations again. Maybe they mean something, who knows? I thought that if I didn’t have any fears of weaknesses then people might assume I’m dependable. I don’t want any of my family or friends knowing my fears. I don’t want to look weak to them. I hope I will ever have to face those events ever again in any point of my life and if I somehow do, I hope I won’t let it consume me.



It Gets Shorter and Shorter

This has been bothering me for quite some time. I don’t enjoy the things I usually love to do. I’m talking about my attention span. For some reason as the years passed, my attention span has been decreasing drastically to a point where I can’t even finish a page of a book. I loved reading books. This worrying discovery has gotten worse when the thing I love to do the most which is watching anime is affected too. I GET DISINTERESTED HALFWAY AND THIS IS SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME. I haven’t even read a single (fictional) book last  year because I got bored with reading just a few pages. 

It’s impossible to say that I don’t like doing those things anymore because I love reading *fiction* and watching anime. I have stumbled upon articles that said researchers have found out that humans have shorter attention spans than goldfishes. But, I only read the title of it rather than reading the whole thing knowing that I won’t finish even half of it. I don’t have a problem with studying though since whenever I start studying, I will do whatever I can to finish it.

I wonder if this has anything to do with concentration as interest is not included. Does this mean I’m going to have a hard time to get things done? Is motivation one of the reasons too? I miss the feeling of finishing a good book. The satisfaction that comes with it as if you have completed an adventure with the characters of the book. Can we get back our ability to pay attention? Or is it even an ability? Damn it. 

Is It Really Cool?

I have been wanting to write about this for a while now. It’s just something I find weird and I guess it’s became a trend somehow. You know how trends are, start something and everyone will follow and it’ll get viralled. Don’t get me wrong, I do indulge myself in some trends like the various challenges, even the mannequin challenge which I did with my cousins a few months back. There’s just this particular trend, well I call it trend since I see it happen a lot. It’s when people disrespect their parents.

What a big reveal, eh? What trend am I talking about? Am I going to diss people for following a trend? Oh, it’s disrespecting parents. Whoop dee doodle do.

Look, it sounds boring because I’m talking about parents but I feel the need to address this as I see it too much and I feel terrible just watching on TV or hearing about it in the news or reading an article about kids dominating their parents and shit. It’s not cool. It’s stupidly rude.It’s even more stupid that the kids got it on video or “do it for the vine” and post it online on their social media accounts. Are the new generation of kids this uneducated and immature?

I see kids on the street screaming at their parents because they didn’t buy what they want; and it’s usually never cheap what their parents “wrongly” bought. I even witnessed my cousin’s cousin screaming at my cousin’s mother to buy a fucking smoothie. I seriously wanted to yell at her because she was being so loud and immature. We were in the middle of a fucking shopping mall. I couldn’t take that kind of monstrosity. My aunt had to do it just so that she shut up about it.  I can see that kids of the new age really don’t know manners or know the meaning of respect. It can be due to 2 reasons, lack of parent guidance or just their arrogance of them being a spoiled brat.

When have parents start to listen to their kids’ orders? Why would they even let their children do what they want? I was raised in a strict household and yes I have rebelled in my younger years and my parents would control me from time to time. I admit I said I hated them for a while and even became an emo (worst phase ever) but my parents never gave up to keep me from going astray. I slowly realized that being emo did nothing good and what my parents said about doing it fro my own good was right. I “sobered” up and started being serious in my studies. I now go to a good local uni and have strong relationships with my family. 

Parents always know best. They lived longer than us and have seen and experienced the life before us. They deserve all the respect by their children and their sacrifices for us can never be paid. Kids of the new generation should understand that when parents say, “It’s for the best.”, they know what is best for you. They know the hows and the whys. And whatever they do, it’s because they love you and want you to live a better life than theirs. Treat them like they are the kings and queens of your world. 

Get. The. Friggin’. Hint.

I have mentioned before that I don’t do clingy. Maybe it’s due to a strict upbringing or I don’t like the feeling of being ‘suffocated’ with attention. Since I’m talking in my perspective, I don’t like the attention on me. I always divert it to other people. It’s even hard for me to talk to people because I never get the hang of looking at them when conversing. I don’t know how I have that weird ‘habit’ but after 21 years of living I still can’t get used to it. Okay, I can look at people in the eye but it lasts about a few seconds. Forcing myself to do it is tiring and somewhat embarrassing to me.  I don’t want people to think I want the attention. I really don’t. Even kids being clingy is a little uncomfortable for me. I love kids; I love spending time and talking with them about anything because they are so blunt about everything. 

I don’t understand why people are CRAVING for attention and are always tweeting that they want their partners to be clingy with them. I prefer distance and privacy. Many texts at the same time? Nope. Multiple calls in one hour? Stop it. Leave me alone.  I don’t have any traumatic or past life experiences that may cause this dislike to clinginess so I don’t have any points to argue with if anyone asks me. 

I make friends easily. I have numerous friends throughout my life but whenever they start getting clingy, expect me to distance myself for months. There’s even this guy that keeps texting me and asking me how I am EVERY SINGLE DAY and I have told him that I don’t like clingy people and he seemed to understand it. YET HE STILL TEXTS ME EVERY DAY FOR YEARS. I know he’s trying to be friendly and all but does he not get the message? I even went months without talking to him and he’s still persistent about it. I have also told him that I’m not into relationships and he gets it too. So I’m ruling out the mutual feeling. 

How do I tell him that I need space to breathe? I don’t want to come off as rude or anything. I don’t want him to think that I don’t appreciate our friendship. I can never say no to even the simplest of things like this. I’m too nice of a person. I care too much of people’s feelings which include game characters that don’t even exist. You know those games that your choices will affect your game later? I love those games. 

Routinely Manic No More?

FINALS ARE DONE. I AM FREE…..for less than a month. It’s not much but it’s what I need. My first semester as a second year uni student went so fucking crazy. This year might be the runner up to my first year as one of the worst years of my life but I have 2 more years to go so I’m still making a list. 

Anyway, after my last paper, I didn’t feel like I did last year. Which was an intense feeling of freedom and not giving a fuck whether I did good or not. This time, after I set foot out of the hall (I spent 1 1/2 hours in a 3 hour exam because a) I was finished and b) I got bored), I felt fine. I didn’t feel the need to scream my lungs out to start the semester break. I just went out of the hall and went to the car. I got hungry in the hall. For once, I got fucking scared that I did shit in one of my exams because I didn’t want to graduate late. Have I become accustomed to the hectic uni life?

It’s more like I am used to the stress of doing 5 projects at the same time, dealing with shit group members and staying up late to study. It actually feels great. I somehow feel like I changed how I see things. I stopped whining and got shit done before due dates. The satisfaction I felt seeing my peers doing their parts in a rush and feeling the stress. But I felt fucking good. I may whine once in awhile but I still get shot done. And boy I’m glad I don’t procrastinate anymore. 

I hope this new feeling doesn’t stop. I want to change more. I want to be better. The outcomes have been great and I hope it produces more in the future. I like the feeling of my own effort being worthwhile. For the first time ever since secondary school, I feel satisfied with myself.