I got used to the silence, letting it engulf me once in a while. I’d close my eyes and wander away. I swim through the seas of my secrets and thoughts. It’s never ending.
I never told my parents about the shit I go through everyday.
I never told them,
that I had shitty grades during the mid-semester exams.
about how hard it is to juggle between studies and social life
about the boy that stole my heart and broke it into a million pieces
about handling the pain by talking with numerous other boys just to feel wanted
that I cry sometimes whenever things turns to shit
that I feel like running away from everything all the time
that the thought of taking my own life
I didn’t get a spot for the interview to be a doctor which happens to be their dream
I crushed it
that I lost hope and I’m just wasting time
it’s too late to change
that I’m going insane
I didn’t tell them anything and kept it inside because I vowed to not be the problematic child anymore. That I could prove to them that I can be strong enough to handle everything without their help. All these years. The dream of seeing them proud of me is vague now. So vague that it’s disappearing.
But I still kept my silence. I stayed. It’s almost over. For now, I stay silent.