My Terrible Feeling


(read from right to left, the first half starts)

I was reading some *coughs* dōjinshi ( self-published works in Japanese terms) and these words definitely caught my attention. Those words hit me hard because it’s exactly how I felt whenever I started to like someone. 

I never admitted this to anyone but this is how I really felt. Those feelings caused me to be scared of liking someone. It gets worse when I start getting close to them. I can never get rid of those feelings. I tried to push those feelings away but in the end it eats me up at night. The only way to stop them completely is to forget about that someone, completely stop liking them and eventually distance myself. There was no other way to do it. 

Those feelings were one of the reasons I never get attached to anyone other than my studies. I usually make up excuses whenever my friends ask why I stop liking my crushes was focusing on my studies but actually the feelings were eating me alive and I couldn’t take it. I didn’t want it to effect me or anyone. I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than feel it again.

For the first time since I started getting into dōjinshi, I could actually relate to the author’s writings. It makes me love reading them more but also makes me feel that I might not be the only one that has ever felt that way about someone. I guess I’m not alone in this world 


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