When you’re so used to underachieving, getting told how much of a disappointment you are and getting these look of disbelief from overachiever when they said they thought you were smart. And for the first time, you excelled so much better than before but people say it’s not enough.
It does dampen your mood. You worked so hard to the extent of sleepless nights, falling sick and even thoughts of quitting due to the intense struggle. I think I wrote about quitting before during my premed but I pulled through. It seems that I will be feeling this resentment for another 3 years.
There are types of people that can easily catch up and are fast learners or are just born intelligent. Some people have to work twice as hard just to get the results they aimed so low for. We can’t aim too high because we know we can’t exceed that much. When you hope too much for something but unable to achieve it you get discouraged. You start to aim lower. You start to expect less and eventually not believe in your capabilities.
I am part of that statistic. I have to work extra hard than the gifted. I go through so much more than anyone else. And when I think I could actually achieve what I aim, I am told it wouldn’t suffice. I will always be labeled as a disappointment. I will always get those looks. The look of disbelief in thinking I could’ve made it. I know of those looks. I’m so used to it.