Routinely Manic No More?

FINALS ARE DONE. I AM FREE…..for less than a month. It’s not much but it’s what I need. My first semester as a second year uni student went so fucking crazy. This year might be the runner up to my first year as one of the worst years of my life but I have 2 more years to go so I’m still making a list. 

Anyway, after my last paper, I didn’t feel like I did last year. Which was an intense feeling of freedom and not giving a fuck whether I did good or not. This time, after I set foot out of the hall (I spent 1 1/2 hours in a 3 hour exam because a) I was finished and b) I got bored), I felt fine. I didn’t feel the need to scream my lungs out to start the semester break. I just went out of the hall and went to the car. I got hungry in the hall. For once, I got fucking scared that I did shit in one of my exams because I didn’t want to graduate late. Have I become accustomed to the hectic uni life?

It’s more like I am used to the stress of doing 5 projects at the same time, dealing with shit group members and staying up late to study. It actually feels great. I somehow feel like I changed how I see things. I stopped whining and got shit done before due dates. The satisfaction I felt seeing my peers doing their parts in a rush and feeling the stress. But I felt fucking good. I may whine once in awhile but I still get shot done. And boy I’m glad I don’t procrastinate anymore. 

I hope this new feeling doesn’t stop. I want to change more. I want to be better. The outcomes have been great and I hope it produces more in the future. I like the feeling of my own effort being worthwhile. For the first time ever since secondary school, I feel satisfied with myself. 


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