Counting the Minutes

It has become a habit of mine to count how much time I spend when doing something. Even taking a nap, I set the range of time from 12 minutes to 3 hours. I don’t exactly know how or when I started counting time but there are times when I think I might go crazy because of it. I even set what time I start to do things, how many minutes it took for me to finish and even having my own countdown where I set what time I plan to finish doing something and count how many minutes or hours while I’m doing it. I also  always drive in a rush thinking that I will get to uni late but when I get there I’m 2 hours early. People usually set an hour before classes to be on their way and I would set up to 2-3 hours before classes and I already start driving. Even though I have a lot of time, I would fuckin’ speed (in a safe range) my way through the ride.

I am on semester break now and I’m planning to take Japanese next semester so I planned on brushing up my Japanese skills. I’m on my second day of break and I am panicking that I might not have time to finish studying Japanese when I have 3 months+ left of break. I started thinking that if I don’t finish studying Japanese, I might not know shit when I start class and going overboard as to think that I might fail the class. I have never been so time-controlling before and it is slowly driving me mad.

My mind keeps telling me to rush whatever I do so that I will finish everything quickly or I get to a destination in time. I always tell myself to always finish my work early and finish everything so that I won’t have a hard time later and always be at a place on time so that I won’t make a bad impression to people or not give people a hard time whenever my friends are carpooling. Because of that habit I tend to give myself unnecessary pressure and eventually lead to stress. I have said that I work best under pressure but now I am constantly feeling pressured for no reason.

I don’t know how to stop or constraint myself from doing this and I hope this won’t affect me in my studies or life. I’m trying to calm myself down and assume that I have a lot of free and I should enjoy it while it lasts. Great, now I feel pressured for not enjoying my limited time. 

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